Not only is the novel extremely entertaining, but it includes some delicious recipes too. Here we have an exclusive extract from the book for you, plus a recipe for strawberry cheesecake cupcakes. If you enjoy the book and want to read the rest, you can buy at it Amazon for just £8.09.

Prologue – January 2009

Somewhere in Birmingham…

It had never been a beautiful store, but then this particular Birmingham suburb was never going to make it in to the UK’s prettiest town contest.  The ravages of the last few days had left it looking like the survivor of a major hurricane.  Empty shelves, litter on the floor and a random scatter of pick ‘n’ mix as far as the eye could see.  It was carnage.

A few forlorn customers were wandering around, poking at the remnants and trying to find a final bargain, but there was an overwhelming sense of sadness in the air.  Walworth’s had been a major player on the British High Street for nearly a hundred years; reliable, cheap and homely, you could always count on finding the item you were looking for on a shelf somewhere.  The bankrupting of Walworth’s had the feeling of a national disaster on a grand scale; it was a bit like when Concorde had crashed or when Diana had died – for some strange reason it felt personal.

Enid, supervisor of the homeware area and known to her friends as “Bunny”, had just returned from a quick cigarette break.

‘Look what those buggers have done to my novelty fruit candles!’

Indeed, some kids had been in and arranged the banana and apple shapes into a colourful penis arrangement.

‘Does it matter, Bunny?’ her long-time best friend and colleague, Diana, sighed.

‘It’s all over now, isn’t it?  What are we going to do?’

Bunny was not one to dwell on the nostalgia.

‘We’re going to go to the boozer early and get rat arsed; that’s what we’re going to do, lady.’

She was interrupted by the dulcet tones of Marie, the store manager’s personal assistant, over the intercom system.

‘The store will be closing at 12 o’ clock lunchtime today for the final time…  And God bless you all!’

Marie’s voice wobbled precariously at the end of the announcement and loud audible sobs could be heard as, with the emotion of the situation, she had clearly forgotten to take the intercom off the air when she had finished.

‘Oh, Mr Taylor, what am I going to do?  Will I ever find another job?’

‘Don’t worry, little cuddle kitten.  I’ll look after you.’  The deep tones of the store manager responded along with some loud rustling noises and rather worrying grunting.

The employees on the shop floor were enthralled.  All these years of suspecting and now they knew it was true.  Old Man Taylor really was bonking his assistant!

Blissfully unaware of their audience below, upstairs in the office, the store manager and Marie, his faithful personal assistant of 10 years standing, had opened a bottle of sweet sherry.  They wanted to mark the occasion of the final closing down and to lament the possible end of their long liaison with one last tryst.

‘But Fluffy, will we ever get to see each other?  You know how I love to play with your joy stick…  Hold on, someone’s knocking at the door!’

‘Go away, I’m in a conference!’ Robin Taylor intoned manfully.

‘It’s Irene, Mr Taylor,’ called a muffled voice.  ‘I really think you should let me in.’

The seventy-five shop floor employees were enjoying possibly the most entertaining moment of their working careers at Walworth’s and were calling out general encouragement

‘Don’t let her in!’

‘Have a last shag!’

The sound of loud rustling and then the door opening came across clearly on the intercom and everyone booed loudly.

‘What’s going on, Irene?  I told you I wasn’t to be disturbed.’

‘But Mr Taylor…’

‘What’s that noise?  What are all those layabouts doing down there?’

The clapping and shouting from the shop floor had increased to crescendo levels heard even from the first floor.

‘Who are you calling a bloody layabout?’ called a loud voice.

‘Mr Taylor!’ Irene’s voice could be heard getting more insistent.  ‘You haven’t turned off the…’

‘Oh, fuck.  Quick, Marie!’

And the show was over.

Bunny and Diana were hugging each other, with tears of laughter running down their faces.

‘The old bugger, who’d have known it?’

The boys in electrical were doing an energetic conga, and the pick ‘n’ mix girls were throwing cola twists at them.

It was chaos.

A red-faced Robin Taylor emerged onto the shop floor to loud clapping and cheering from the entire staff.

‘Now stop that!’ he shouted.

There was an immediate silence.  Despite his newly-confirmed dalliance, he had been a good manager, fair and supportive to all of them but with a wicked temper when things had gone wrong.  They all needed a good reference at a time like this if they were to stand any hope of getting a decent job.

Robin looked around them all, going slowly from face to face.

They were terrified.

‘I just want to say…  Marie, bring that bloody sherry down here, boys go and buy some beer and wine, get everyone a drink…  You’ve been the best bloody workers in the world and I love you all.’

‘What, even me?’ Evan, the 17-year-old tearaway from the DVD section, constantly late and in trouble with the police piped up.

‘Yes, even you, you bugger,’ Robin said. ‘Now let’s have a few drinks and see the old place out in style – now – get rid of the customers!’

With a whoop of delight, any non-employees were unceremoniously ushered out of the main doors, which Robin locked behind them with a flourish.

‘One hour to go!’ he said, waving a can of beer and making a few rather uncalled for “V” signs to the passing shoppers who were looking inquisitively through the windows.

‘Sir, won’t we get in to trouble drinking at 11 in the morning inside the shop?’ asked Irene worriedly.

Robin laughed; he was 58 and knew he would never work again.

‘What are they going to do, sack us?’

Diana and Bunny ensconced themselves on some unsold lime-green scatter cushions, with a bottle of white wine, in front of the last remaining television set in the shop, watching one of the morning TV shows.

‘Seriously, Bun – how are we going to manage?’

‘Don’t know, Di.’  In an effort to avoid the conversation that was definitely going to get uncomfortably emotional, she looked more closely at the screen.  ‘Blimey, he’s still really fit – I’d definitely give the Silver Fox one, wouldn’t you?’

‘Oh yes, him and that nice Eamonn – a bit podgy but definitely worth a round or two; I do wish I had a chest like that lovely Polly.  Shame about Fern getting so thin, though, isn’t it, she didn’t make feel nearly as bad about my boobs?’

Her gamble had paid off; Diana was easily distracted and Bunny let her rattle on whilst her mind was working overtime.

What was she going to do?  The family relied on her wages and staff discount to help them survive.  Thank God, they had bought their council house when it had been offered to them some years back and her Clive had still been in work, many of them on the estate hadn’t done it and now lived to regret it.  It was a different situation now, she had a husband who had been laid off from Rover after 30 years, one daughter who was a single mum and lived at home with her baby, another daughter who was god-knows-where, and a no-good son who seemed determined to avoid working at all costs.  This was not the fruition of her childhood dreams.

‘Oooh, look at those, Bunny.  They look nice.’

The Silver Fox and Polly were admiring some rather fancy-looking cakes on the television.

Bunny took a deep slug of her white wine to help her forget the stress that was lurking, and then sat bolt upright.

‘Turn it up, Di!’

‘The volume, do you mean?’

Yes, you dozy cow – turn it up, now!’

On screen, a beautifully turned out brunette in cashmere and pearls was speaking earnestly to the two presenters whilst holding out a plate of exotically decorated cupcakes.

‘You see, Polly, at the Eco Conscious Cupcake Company we believe in the finest of organic materials; we even have an optional vegan and gluten-free range.  After all, we only want the best for our children, don’t we?’

Holly, who clearly hadn’t been able to resist, had a mouth full of cupcake and her co-presenter took over smoothly.

‘Well, Bex, they certainly are delicious; but what makes this a cupcake and not a fairy cake? ‘

Bex smiled sweetly at him, clearly prepared for the question.

‘It goes back to the recipe’s American roots, when women abandoned measuring – like us busy women of today, they didn’t have time for that, and so they started using cups instead.  They’re a sort of symbol of our liberation – and, of course, theirs are bigger than ours’

The Silver Fox couldn’t resist this.

‘So, cup size really matters?’

Bex looked snooty and ignored him.

‘And, of course, at my local Women’s Association in Shoreditch, we uphold those principles…’

Looking naughtily at his co-presenter’s chest, the Silver Fox could not resist one final quip.

‘..and I think Polly can attest to that.’

Polly interrupted as her co-presenter was incapable of speech for laughing.

‘Well, thank you, Bex – and good luck.  These are certainly the most fashionable things to have for your party in London at the moment and, of course, the WA is becoming so fashionable again, not all Jam and Jerusalem?’

‘We are the new face of the WA, Polly.’

‘And the recipe, Bex, is that on our website?’

‘Certainly not!  It’s my great grandmother’s secret recipe; I don’t even share that with my WA Sisters!’

‘Yes, Bex – a bit like the Colonel with KFC, maybe?’

The Silver Fox choked audibly on his cupcake again.

Polly continued as he chortled helplessly in the background.

‘Anyway, viewers, contact details of how to order these delicious cupcakes are on our website and, I must say, they’re certainly very popular with us.  Thanks to you again, Bex Mason-Smythe.’

And the interview was over.

Bunny was momentarily speechless.  She felt like she had been hit with a truck full of ice, as countless emotions washed over her, leaving her numb with shock.

‘Bex Mason bloody Smythe my arse!’

‘Wasn’t that your Becky?’ Di said in wonder.

Quite a crowd had gathered now.

‘Blimey, I remember her when she was a nice bottle blonde,’ called out one of the boys from electrical.

‘That’s enough of that,’ said Robin, who also remembered the young Becky very well, when she’d regularly shoplifted from the Pick ‘n’ Mix.

‘When did she get that posh, Bunny?  And that thin?’ asked Di.

Bunny didn’t answer straight away.  So that’s where the la-di-dah ungrateful little bitch had ended up, and what’s more she was making money out of Nana’s old recipe.  Well if bloody Becky Mason or whatever she called herself these days could do it then she, Bunny, was going to do it too.

Strawberry Cheesecake Cupcakes

Ingredients

For the cakes

6 ozs/180g unsalted butter, at room temperature

6ozs/180g caster sugar

3 large eggs, at room temperature

Half teaspoon vanilla extract

6ozs/115g self-raising flour

2 strawberries chopped very small

Optional: 2 teaspoons red food colouring

For the topping

200g/7oz cream cheese or mascarpone

Small carton double cream

65g/2oz caster sugar

12-16 fresh strawberries

2 crushed digestive biscuits

Optional: edible pink glitter

Equipment

1 muffin tray and paper cases

Method

For the cakes:

• Pre-heat oven to gas Mark 3, 170oC or 150oC for a fan oven
• By hand or in a food processor, or using a hand mixer, beat the butter and sugar until it is white and fluffy
• Add the eggs, vanilla, food colouring (if you want to use it) and flour
• Stir chopped strawberries in to the mixture
• Divide the mixture between either 24 small or 12 large paper cases
• Bake for 15 to 20 minutes until each cake is golden and springy to touch
• Allow to cool.

For the icing:

• By hand, in a food processor or with a hand beater whip the cream until stiff
• Beat in the cream cheese and the caster sugar – you can add a little food colouring if you wish
• Either using an icing bag or just with a teaspoon, pile the mixture on top of the cooled cakes
• Dust with a small amount of crushed digestive biscuits
• Top with sliced strawberries and dust with edible glitter if you wish.

These cakes are best eaten on the same day as the fresh strawberries won’t last and go a bit soggy, but they are so lovely that they won’t last long anyway!

You can substitute strawberries for raspberries or any other soft fruit – I used blue colouring and put blueberries and blue edible glitter once and they looked amazing if a little surreal!

Summer is a wonderful season for making cupcakes for every occasion from summer parties and fetes to picnics with friends and family, and this issue we have some fun ideas for you to bake that are sure to impress. We’ve got classic seasonal icons like strawberry cupcakes and ice cream cupcakes, plus some more unusual bakes such as candy floss cupcakes! Plus don’t forget it’s Father’s Day in the UK on 16 June, so we have some delicious creations for you make for all the father’s out there too. If that’s not enough, we show you how to perfect the new trend of hidden secret cupcakes (which have some very indulgent centres), and how to piece together a cupcake puzzle! Inside this issue you’ll find:

Occasions cupcakes: Fill your summer days with delicious cupcakes ranging from Eton mess to strawberry flavourings and designs for Father’s day, graduations and birthdays. Plus we have some lovely seaside themed creations.

Fun and fancy cupcakes: We show just how creative cupcakes can be with recipes for candy floss cupcakes, cupcakes in jars, buttered popcorn cupcakes and more

Indulgent cupcakes: If you’re baking for a special occasion and want an indulgent bake, this is your place to look! We’ve got recipes for everything from banana sundae or s’mores cupcakes to tiramisu or Liquorice Allsorts cupcakes

Fruit & nut cupcakes: The slightly healthier section, we show you how to bake everything from hidden apple cupcakes to watermelon cupcakes.

Chocolate cupcakes: Look no further for the ultimate chocolate hit! Here you’ll find gluten-free double chocolate cupcakes, chocolate collar cupcakes, chocolate fudge cupcakes and more.

Spring Cupcake Challenge: We announce the winners and finalists in our Spring Cupcake Challenge competition!

You’ll find all this and more on sale now for just £4.99 in many branches of Waitrose, Sainsbury’s, Tesco, Asda, Morrisons, Lakeland, Hobbycraft, Co-op, One-Stop, WH Smith and Eason & Son (Ireland).

Alternatively you can buy the issue online here

Reloved is a brand new craft magazine that centres around the wonderful world of upcycling. Each issue features 116 pages of creative inspiration, including at least 25 beautiful projects you can make for yourself and for your home. It’s all about breathing life into old objects that have seen better days and transforming them into new favourites you can cherish for years to come. It’s the ‘Make Do and Mend’ attitude, saving a bit of money by putting the chic into shabby and doing our little bit to help the environment by reusing rather than throwing away old objects.

The spring issue is packed with 27 projects to get you started, and here is just a taster of what you’ll find inside…

Furniture revamps – Learn how to give battered old favourites a fresh new look with our simple step-by-step guides to painting and decoupaging a chest of drawers, fabric wrapping a chair and knitting a cover for a worn out stool pad.

Midweek makes – Looking for a quick project to complete in an evening? We’ve got ideas for vintage cake stands, vase covers, mosaic plant pots and more.

Home refurbs – Refresh your home decor with original upcycled pieces ranging from lace doily lampshades and kitchen chalkboards to quilt curtains.

Fashion fixes – Create new looks for your old clothes with our easy updates. This issue’s projects include altering sleeves on a vintage dress, creating scarf belts, fabric-covering shoes and making a fob watch necklace.

Masterclass – Kirstie Allsopp joins us for this masterclass in reupholstering a drop-in seat pad.

Three ways – Transform your cushions with our three gorgeous designs.

Original upcyclers – Get some Make Do And Mend advice from original wartime upcycling leaflets

Upcycling hero – We meet Matiere A Reflection, a Parisian company which transforms vintage leather jackets into trendy bags.

My vintage home – Witness upcycling taken to the extreme transforming a beautiful garden cabin.

Plus news, guides to knitting and buying upcycling materials and much more!

You can find Reloved on sale now throughout the UK in most Waitrose, Sainsbury’s, Morrisons, Tesco, Tesco Extra and WH Smith stores.

The  Cake & Bake Show in Manchester (www.manchestercentral.co.uk/events/cake-bake-show-2013) over the first weekend of April was our first big outing of the year – we’ve already uploaded our photos from the event to our Cupcake Heaven Facebook page… and there’ll be more from the Cake International Show in London (www.cakeinternational.co.uk) for you to see soon!

There was plenty of inspiration for everybody at the London show!

Thanks to everybody we met in both cities – the hundreds of new subscribers, the (many, many) hundreds of people who signed up for our newsletter, those kind souls who brought us cakes and biscuits (!) to keep us going – and new recipes for us to try out. The weekends were a great success for us and we hope you enjoyed them as much as we did!

From Cake & Bake…

The lovely Eric Lanlard demonstrates how to make delicious cakes

Visitors to the Food Heaven stand could enter a free prize draw

Our Cupcake Challenge reaches the final stages…

From Cake International

Paul Hollywood and Mary Berry in action

There were plenty of opportunities for visitors to get hands on

A sure sign that summer's on its way…

This issue is packed with inspiration for making impressive cakes for all of summer’s best occasions, from vintage garden parties to fairytale weddings. In fact, the beautiful birdcage design on our cover would be perfect for both of these events! In total we have 50 different projects for you to try, all divided between the following sections…

Seasonal decorations – Celebrate summer with a selection of designs for all tastes and abilities. Beginners will love the ideas for engagement, graduation and Father’s Day cupcakes, while more experienced decorators will adore the bucket and spade cake.

Birthday decorations – If you’re looking for a stylish way to celebrate a friend’s birthday, look no further! We have dressmaker’s dummies, handbags, pretty mini cakes and more for you.

Weddings & anniversary decorations – Make someone’s special day even more special with one of our beautiful wedding designs. Choose from three-tier lace creations and chocolate-packed golden flower cakes, and you can even discover some cute little cupcakes to bake as wedding favours or table decorations.

Kids decorations - Party time has never been so fun! Kids will find it hard to choose between the gorgeous butterfly, adorable dog, cool guitar and colourful bus and tractor designs we have in store for them this issue!

You’ll find all this and more on sale now for just £4.99 in many branches of Waitrose, Sainsbury’s, Tesco, Asda, Morrisons, Lakeland, Hobbycraft, Co-op, One-Stop, WH Smith and Eason & Son (Ireland).

Alternatively you can buy the issue online here

Cake Break is a really simple and fun way to raise money for the MS Society. All you have to do is get friends, family or your colleagues together, provide them with plenty of cake – and then watch your donation box fill up. You can host your event at home, at work, at school – wherever you like!

An estimated 100,000 people in the UK have MS and it affects almost twice as many women as men. It is the most common disabling neurological condition affecting young adults and there is no known cure. The MS Society is the UK’s largest charity dedicated to supporting everyone whose life is touched by MS.

“My 11 year old daughter Hannah organised a Cake Break at her school. She baked many, many cakes. The day was a great success and surpassed all our expectations; she raised £225, a fantastic effort for such a young girl! Hannah is very passionate about the cause and has spent a lot of time researching MS as her mum Fay has the condition. Thank you for all your wonderful work…please keep going” Kenny Gorman, proud Cake Break dad 2012

Register now to receive your free fundraising pack!
www.cakebreak.org.uk/register
0845 481 1577
cakebreak@mssociety.org.uk

You’ll have to wait until late summer to sample the fresh produce, but right now is the time to see the region at its most beautiful.

Naturally, where there are fruit trees, at this time of year there is blossom. And, in the Vale of Evesham, there is lots of it! Indeed, it is the blossom of this very region that was supposedly the inspiration for Shakespeare’s Midsummer Night’s Dream.

The particular tradition of the Blossom Trail, as such, began 30 years ago. Geoff Perks worked on the fruit farms all his life. He died in 1983, at the age of 84, just after seeing the blossoms arrive one last time, and his final wish was to have his coffin drawn eight miles along the trail. Ever since then it has become a yearly local ritual to walk the Blossom Trail in his memory.

Today, the trail extends to almost 50 miles, which is quite a long way to walk, even on a nice day. Many people cycle or drive the route, but there are now official Blossom Coach Tours – and, on this 30th anniversary year, even a Blossom Trail Bikeaway. These tours take in all the farm shops, pubs and nurseries that celebrate the Blossom Trail with such delights as apple scones, blossom marmalade, blossom cake and Pershore plum jam.

For more details visit www.blossom-trail.org.uk

Packed with 101 inspiring recipes, the spring issue is a true celebration of spring flavours and events. We have some unique takes on classic Easter treats such as pistachio and fruit simnel cake, and blueberry hot cross buns, plus we show you some delicious ways to use up spring produce such as rhubarb in tasty bakes including rhubarb crumble squares and rhubarb and ginger meringue cake. We also discover the techniques behind the exciting new baking trend – cake pops and pie pops. Once you’ve tried baking these delicious little morsels you’ll want to make them for every occasion from coffee with friends to children’s parties! Inside the issue you’ll find…

Cake Heaven – Endless inspiration for baking cakes and cupcakes, with offerings such as Sachertorte with chocolate orange icing, citrus sunbeam layer cake and vegan cookies and cream cupcakes.

Biscuit Heaven – If you’re looking for new treats to bake for coffeetime with friends, look no further. Here you’ll discover how to make mini peanut butter and maple cookies, lightly spiced Easter biscuits, gooseberry shortcakes and much more.

Pudding Heaven - Discover a new favourite to finish off Sunday lunch with our selection of hot and cold puddings. Choose from blueberry creme brulees, Easter baked cheesecake and choc-cherry spectacular.

Tarts & Pies Heaven – It’s national pie week this week, so to celebrate why not whip up one of these delicious bakes, including Mary Berry’s treacle tart, strawberry pop tart pops and Queen of Heart tart.

Teatime Treats Heaven – Everyone loves an indulgent afternoon tea now and again, and these miniature ideas are sure to impress. Treats range from Chambord raspberry whoopie pies and ginger marble biscuit bars to iced buns and Millionaire’s shortbread.

You’ll find all this and more on sale now for just £4.99 in many branches of Waitrose, Sainsbury’s, Tesco, Asda, Morrisons, Lakeland, Hobbycraft, Co-op, One-Stop, WH Smith and Eason & Son (Ireland).

Alternatively you can buy the issue online here

The search is on to find Britain’s best spring cupcakes. Whether you enjoy making Easter treats, Mother’s Day delights or perfecting your decorating skills for leaping lambs or apple blossom, we want you to put your skills to the test for this special competition.
All you need to do is to send us photos of your favourite spring cupcakes, we’ll then pick our top 20 and put them to the public vote in our Reader’s Choice Award on our Cupcake Heaven Facebook page. The top 10 cupcake makers from this vote will be invited to bring their creations along to be displayed on the Food Heaven stand at The Cake & Bake Show Manchester in April, where we’ll pick the ultimate winner and a very special guest will be on hand to award the prizes.

How to enter
It really couldn’t be easier. Simply send a photo of your favourite spring-themed cupcakes to cupcakeheaven@anthem-publishing.com using the subject line ‘Spring Cupcake Challenge’ by 9am 25 March 2013. We’ll then pick our favourite 20 cupcakes and put them to the public vote. The top 10 will then be invited to The Cake & Bake Show Manchester to show their creations on the Food Heaven stand.

Competition rules
By entering a competition you are bound by these rules. Late or incomplete entries will be disqualified. Only one entry per person will be accepted. The company reserves the right to substitute any prize with cash, or a prize of comparable value. Competitions are open to UK residents over 16 only, except employees of Anthem Publishing and any party involved in the competition or their households. By entering a competition you give permission to use personal information in connection with the competition, for promotional purposes. If you do not want your information to be shares, please write ‘no offers’ on your entry. Entries become the property of the company upon receipt and will not be returned. If you are a winner, receipt of prize is conditional upon complying with the competition rules. A list of winners will be available upon request.

Valentine’s Day raspberry and rose creme brulee

Ingredients – Serves 2

About 10 raspberries

250ml whole milk

50g caster sugar

1/2 tsp rose water (or a little more to taste)

Pink food colouring (optional)

3 yolks from large eggs

2tbsp demerara sugar

Method

Preheat the oven to 150C/gas mark 2 and divide the raspberries between two ramekins.

Put the milk and half of the caster sugar into a medium saucepan and heat gently until you can’t quite hold your finger in it. Remove from the heat and add the rosewater, tasting to ensure it is perfectly perfumed. Add a drop of food colouring, if using, and mix to a pale pastel pink. Set aside until needed.

Place the egg yolks and remaining caster sugar into a mixing bowl and whisk together until the eggs turn a little paler and the sugar has dissolved into the eggs. When the eggs are paler and fluffier, slowly pour in the milk mixture whilst continuing to whisk gently. Divide this between the two ramekins and place into a roasting tray or dish. Fill the dish with enough hot water so that it comes halfway up the side of the ramekins, then place into the oven and bake for 40-45 minutes, or until the custard is just set with a very slight wobble in the middle. Allow to cool completely before refrigerating for at least two hours.

Just before serving, remove the custards from the fridge and sprinkle each with demerara sugar, shaking the ramekins so that the sugar is evenly distributed. Using a cook’s blowtorch, caramelise the sugar until it melts and chars slightly. If you don’t have a blowtorch, simply place the custards under a hot grill until the sugar has melted and darkened, being careful not to burn it too much as this will make it very bitter. Serve immediately.

John Whaite will be featuring at Cake International - The Sugarcraft, Cake Decorating & Baking Show taking place at EventCity, Manchester from 8-10 March.  Come along and spend three days in cake heaven exploring the latest ideas, supplies, competitions, demonstrations and workshops from the industry’s experts. Visit www.cakeinternational.co.uk for more information.